Why Being Tender-Headed does not Exist


I do not believe that anyone can be tender headed.

If you don’t understand my belief, read on..

I’ve got a short and long answer for those looking for a quick or an in depth reasoning….

Short Answer:

Labeling one a ‘tender head’ is like saying a person is motion sensitive when the driver rides the break through the whole trip. ‘No I’m not motion sensitive, you just can’t drive!’ It’s the same with those combing your hair, they just don’t know how to comb it. They don’t want to admit it. So they label YOU as ‘tenderheaded’. Tsk, tsk on them.

Long Answer:

Being ‘tenderheaded’ is usually understood to mean that the slightest motion of a hair tool on a person’s hair/head causes them great head pain. This is either a mental positioning or untrue. If someone had a bad experience with a red jacket, then every time he gets near a red jacket or someone holds one out toward him to wear, he might cringe or jerk back. That is a mental position. The red jacket experience has shaped his future responses, whether it’s true or not that he would have a bad experience again with it. The same is true with an experience with hair brushing or combing.

If it is not a condition of a past experience, then I suggest it is the problem of the brusher or comber and not the brushee or combee (the one getting their hair brushed or combed). When a person doesn’t brush or comb another’s hair properly, the result is, of course, going to be painful for that person. The proper way is first gently, because we are talking about our precious strands of hair! Second is to treat small sections at a time, not a large area. Thirdly, use some product to give it some slip! Un-moisturized hair causes more issues with the process, than if you would have just used something. And lastly, please, brush or comb from the ends working slowly upwards.

I think the ones labeling others ‘tenderheads’ are because they are approaching their hair roughly and are not properly handling their hair. Everyone, in my experience, that has their head handled properly is not called ‘tenderheaded’. Hmmm. Maybe we should start taking responsibility and learn how to treat the hair and not quickly grabbing solutions (liking cutting, not styling, or worse labeling) for a non existent problem.

What Being a Natural Really Says about You

I have been studying naturals for a while now…almost 3 years to be exact. And I’ve discovered amazing things along the way. There are many things I can say about naturals:

*they are sexy
*they are exotic
*they eat healthy
*they are earthy
*they are desired

But there is one thing I’ve noticed that is a bit deeper than these things. Something I see , that every natural, especially female naturals, have. Young or older, Mixed or black, foreign or local, I realized that every natural has….


That’s right! In a society, where for sooooo long, the straight haired, no fuss, no problem, long or short hair was lusted after, the natural woman or man has accepted his or her self. In the past few years, it has become more popular, yet still wildly exotic to be a natural, but this is only veeeery recent. Us curly, wavy, kinky, zigzaggy girls have had to endure being the outcast for decades! We had to endure the stares, the mockery, the disbelief, the ‘why can you look like (fillintheblank)’ statements. Or was that just my experience?

You’ve really got to be internally strong in order to not allow your environment to influence adverse thoughts about yourself. It took a lot of spiritual work for me to be strengthened in who God made me.

Yet then and now, every natural whom has decided to leave the relaxer, the conk, the texturizer, the chemicals, and the hotcomb alone, is making so many statements to herself (or himself) and to the world:

I Accept Me, I Love Me, I Am Me, freely

I Don’t Have to Look Like What Everyone Else Praises

I Can Also be Creative With My Styles and Still Amaze You

Newsflash for all those taking notice and that care: this is not a trend. This natural haircare and hairdo has changed, no exploded, the direction of the hair product industry. New businesses and old ones have sprouted up natural hair care lines and are ferociously marketing them with, guess who? Us naturals. Photographers and designers are frantically searching for natural models. Some of the most popular YouTubers are natural chics. We are writing a new history. It’s a movement toward multi-cultures accepting themselves intensely in the face of the passing ‘straight’ standard.

And…we naturals are only going to get bigger.

Bigger in hair size.

Bigger in numbers.

And bigger in ideas of where to take are natural hair next.

It’s our turn to be desired for just being…..naturally us.

Top 10 Best Hair Oils


From my experience & the general consensus,  I’ve found these oils to be excellent for natural hair. They are listed in order of quality:

  1. Coconut oil
  2. Jamaican Black castor oil
  3. Olive oil
  4. Argan oil
  5. Jojoba oil
  6. Avocado oil
  7. Sweet almond oil
  8. Vitamin E oil
  9. Shea butter oil
  10. Babassu oil

Coconut Oil ~ is the best moisturizer, conditioner, protect-er, protein producer, & manager of natural hair that I’ve seen & experienced across all races..  Black, Indian, Middle Eastern, Native American, Asian, you name it.

Jamaican Black Castor Oil ~ Moisturizes and strengthens hair with nutrients for your
follicles as well as fosters hair growth at a faster rate than normal.

Olive Oil ~ penetrates your hair to give it moisture while protecting it from weather  elements or conditions. Also softens your hair.

Argan Oil ~ a hair smoother and high source of antioxidants. Moisturizes your hair too.

Jojoba Oil ~ the most similar to your natural hair sebum, this moisturizes your hair as
it gives antibacterial properties to keep it healthy.

Avocado Oil ~ penetrates your hair shaft while feeding amino acids and other nutrients
to your hair. Add luster to every hair type by its strengthening properties.

Sweet Almond Oil ~ provides healthy hair growth, hair shine, a moisture sealant, and a
strand and ends strengthener.

Vitamin E Oil ~ stimulates your hair’s growth while repairing any split ends and
prevents premature graying.

Shea Butter Oil ~ heavier oil than the rest aiding to fortiy your strands of hair. But
best of all, it shields hair from UV Rays and other sun damage.

Babassu Oil ~ strengthens and moisturizes hair simultaneously. It helps to restore any
skin ailments underneath the hair too.



Then vs Now..

I use to really hate my look…  beach shot because I was stuck in a wrong thinking. Funny how the inner always reflects what you and others see on the outside. I felt I really couldn’t do anything about it and that pretty girls were born pretty. This was a time before YouTube, Pinterest, and Instagram. Now it has become so popular to alter your look, almost daily, due to the flood of reality shows, entrepreneurial-ism, and a new philosophy of creating the life you want.

Over many milestones of some desired and some undesired change, a family member challenged what I thought of my look, especially my hair. I was strongly encouraged to let go of the relaxer (a staple in my community’s household back then) and embrace consistent care. She invested money, time, and research on the concern of my hair. It didn’t happen overnight, but I began to examine how I could best wear and care for my hair.

After dating a young gentlemen who loved seeing me natural in a picture one night, (it was after I washed my hair and let it air dry), I decided to try being natural. I started off being natural 25% of the time. Then I met another man and he liked that look too, so soon I became 50% natural. After dating him, I decided I wanted to explore more of my natural look and was next 75% natural. A couple of years later and I don’t even remember the last time I got a blow out or a press n curl. I’ve been natural for 100% of the time and I love it! Those two men really helped to push me to fully embrace my natural look. IMG405

Good Hair…


For as long as I could remember, growing up, there was a distinction made between good hair and bad hair. Good hair equated to thin straight hair you can easily comb and bad hair equated to nappy hair that needed more attention.

Through the years I’ve come to realize that any hair is good hair and all hair needs attention.  I’ve also come to love my own texture of hair which is not straight and thin.

Celebrate with me on this blog on embracing what ever texture you have, but our focus is on curls waves and zigzags!